As my son lies in my arms, lost in dreams, I think this is what angels must look like. So quiet, so peaceful, always innocent. Dressed in his new pajamas with colorful airplanes and puppies, his little snores are endearing. The familiar weight and warmth is so hard to let go of, but eventually, I place him in his crib. I watch to make sure he settles in and continue sleeping then I reluctantly traipse back to bed.
How drastically our lives have changed, we were one when we got married but with Eli, we are now whole, complete. It is this sense of completeness that triggers a sense of fear/worry. Watching the news does not help at all to allay these fears… babies snatched from their own home, girls/boys snatched off their front yard to be raped/murdered, teens kidnapped/killed … all ugly realities but occurring all around us. How did mankind evolve to be so hateful, so cruel? What causes these behaviors? Is it the lack of religion in their lives? Is it a hurtful past? Whatever it is, I fervently pray for a more peaceful people so that as our children grow up, they are immersed in a society where these despiteful and heinous crimes are not the norm.
I wish I could shelter my child from the harsh realities of life but I know it is not possible nor the most responsible parenting. My wish for my son is that he will grow up to be intelligent, thoughtful, respectful… a good man. If every single one of us is able to do that successfully, perhaps there will be a better tomorrow? I am hopeful.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Eli at 5 1/2 months
We took some W*mart portraits just for fun and the little one had a blast. Here's some eye candy for those of you who don't have me as your friend on FB!
We're back!
Time certainly has a way to escape the conscious mind. It has been a while since I have updated this blog to the dismay of grandmas, aunts, friends and family alike. It definitely has been a hectic few months with so many life altering events occurring in what seems like the domino effect.
I returned to work on July 15th after 3 blissful months of waking up and knowing I could do whatever I desired for the day and watch our precious little bundle sprout from that little pea he was to the jolly little toddler he is today. I cannot believe that tomorrow will mark the 6 month anniversary of that wonderful day Eli finally decided to join us in the real world. I do dread the 6 month shot but a little pain is necessary it seems in this process of growing up.
Exactly a month to the day I returned to work on August 15th, I was laid off. Got called in to the partner’s office one morning and 2 minutes later, I walked out in a daze, barely remembering something about the economy and attrition not being where it should be and they were sorry that they had to let me go but how thankful they were of all my hard work and professionalism. So there it was, a 7 year career in a Big Four accounting firm, incinerated in a matter of minutes. How quickly a life and circumstances change doesn’t it? I did myself proud though amidst of this, I walked out with my head help high, not a tear in sight and thanked everyone.
Perhaps honesty wasn’t the best policy but I know not how to conduct life any other way nor I desire to change it but from the moment we got pregnant and learnt that Hubby will be deploying to Iraq at the end of 2009 and will be overseas for 12 – 16 months, I immediately reached out to my partners and told them how my life was changing and I don’t mind working the long hours but can no longer travel and have to be a little flexible (being able to leave at 5 to pick up my son from daycare and continue working from home in the evenings)… they said no problem, they’d be happy to work with me etc etc…
I guess I shouldn’t take it personal, it was just business, but I couldn’t help but feel betrayed… it must be how spouses feel like when their mate cheats on them… I drove home that day with a sick feeling in my stomach, I didn’t know how to relay this to my family, I felt like such a failure… to my surprise, my husband just comforted me and told me not to worry, that I should just stay home a while and enjoy my time with Eli and if I still don’t get a job by the time he leaves, I can be a full time mom for the year he was gone. Part of me felt so relieved but the other part of me felt like I wasn’t pulling my weight with the loss of the income I had been bringing in.
What was worse was that every time I held Eli, I felt guilty, like I was letting him down somehow… and I remember telling him that Mommy could no longer buy him toys and bawling… must be the post pregnancy hormones because it wasn’t long after where I embraced my job as a mom and just let God decide if there was something out there that was for me at this stage in my life. I wonder if all other Mom’s feel this ‘guilt’ I talk about?
Prior to being laid off, I had gone for several interviews just for the experience and never really gave them much thought. A couple of days after the layoff, the recruiter calls to tell me that one of the employers I interviewed with was very interested and wanted to fly me out to San Francisco. I had mixed feelings because the job description/package sounded okay but the commute was horrible, an hour each way! But Hubby and I talked about it and we were like, what the heck??? There is nothing to lose, I can go out there and see what it’s all about. If I like it, great. If not, I can say I have been San Francisco right? So I went, met the CEO, CFO, Vice President and got along fabulously with everyone. Also, during this time, I learnt from the CFO that they were moving the offices downtown (which makes it only 30 minutes each way!). I prayed really hard about this, it’s disconcerting because one never knows what each path in life leads but I asked God that if this is for me, make it happen! And make it happen, He certainly did!
So just a couple of days prior to this, my professional world came crashing down and a week later, I accepted an offer for employment commencing September 15th. In this economy, I got a 20% pay increase, bonus program, stock options, free dental/vision, 401k match and better hours. Above all, I got a promotion! So it was a big relief and lots of excitement.
At this time, we had already planned summer vacation to Savannah and St Augustine and it was an awesome vacation in a long time. Just spending time with my family and enjoying each other.
So I am at Week 3 at my new job, pulling in 12 hour days but at least I don’t have to work weekends. I am pretty sure that once I get the hang of things, my schedule will get better but for right now, every day is a new day, with lots to learn and it makes the hours go by too quickly.
Hubby has been in Mississippi for the past 3 weeks on Annual Training and I know he is having a hard time since living conditions are poor and they don’t ever get a break but I guess it is a necessary evil to get the men and women ready for real life war. I wish he didn’t have to go but I know what it means to him and to the rest of his colleagues so I can only bid them God Speed and pray for every single one of them to return safely to the arms of their loved ones. He comes home on Friday and we can’t wait!
And now, we’re caught up! I’ll update with pictures later… the disadvantage of not having a laptop, I am just so lazy to go all the way upstairs and get on the desktop!!! I am getting my work laptop next week though so that can only mean more convenient blogging/blog-hopping!
So there you have it, our lives in a nutshell! I hope each and everyone of you have been well and I look forward to stopping by your little ‘nests’ to catch up with what’s been going on.
Have a great week ahead y’all!
I returned to work on July 15th after 3 blissful months of waking up and knowing I could do whatever I desired for the day and watch our precious little bundle sprout from that little pea he was to the jolly little toddler he is today. I cannot believe that tomorrow will mark the 6 month anniversary of that wonderful day Eli finally decided to join us in the real world. I do dread the 6 month shot but a little pain is necessary it seems in this process of growing up.
Exactly a month to the day I returned to work on August 15th, I was laid off. Got called in to the partner’s office one morning and 2 minutes later, I walked out in a daze, barely remembering something about the economy and attrition not being where it should be and they were sorry that they had to let me go but how thankful they were of all my hard work and professionalism. So there it was, a 7 year career in a Big Four accounting firm, incinerated in a matter of minutes. How quickly a life and circumstances change doesn’t it? I did myself proud though amidst of this, I walked out with my head help high, not a tear in sight and thanked everyone.
Perhaps honesty wasn’t the best policy but I know not how to conduct life any other way nor I desire to change it but from the moment we got pregnant and learnt that Hubby will be deploying to Iraq at the end of 2009 and will be overseas for 12 – 16 months, I immediately reached out to my partners and told them how my life was changing and I don’t mind working the long hours but can no longer travel and have to be a little flexible (being able to leave at 5 to pick up my son from daycare and continue working from home in the evenings)… they said no problem, they’d be happy to work with me etc etc…
I guess I shouldn’t take it personal, it was just business, but I couldn’t help but feel betrayed… it must be how spouses feel like when their mate cheats on them… I drove home that day with a sick feeling in my stomach, I didn’t know how to relay this to my family, I felt like such a failure… to my surprise, my husband just comforted me and told me not to worry, that I should just stay home a while and enjoy my time with Eli and if I still don’t get a job by the time he leaves, I can be a full time mom for the year he was gone. Part of me felt so relieved but the other part of me felt like I wasn’t pulling my weight with the loss of the income I had been bringing in.
What was worse was that every time I held Eli, I felt guilty, like I was letting him down somehow… and I remember telling him that Mommy could no longer buy him toys and bawling… must be the post pregnancy hormones because it wasn’t long after where I embraced my job as a mom and just let God decide if there was something out there that was for me at this stage in my life. I wonder if all other Mom’s feel this ‘guilt’ I talk about?
Prior to being laid off, I had gone for several interviews just for the experience and never really gave them much thought. A couple of days after the layoff, the recruiter calls to tell me that one of the employers I interviewed with was very interested and wanted to fly me out to San Francisco. I had mixed feelings because the job description/package sounded okay but the commute was horrible, an hour each way! But Hubby and I talked about it and we were like, what the heck??? There is nothing to lose, I can go out there and see what it’s all about. If I like it, great. If not, I can say I have been San Francisco right? So I went, met the CEO, CFO, Vice President and got along fabulously with everyone. Also, during this time, I learnt from the CFO that they were moving the offices downtown (which makes it only 30 minutes each way!). I prayed really hard about this, it’s disconcerting because one never knows what each path in life leads but I asked God that if this is for me, make it happen! And make it happen, He certainly did!
So just a couple of days prior to this, my professional world came crashing down and a week later, I accepted an offer for employment commencing September 15th. In this economy, I got a 20% pay increase, bonus program, stock options, free dental/vision, 401k match and better hours. Above all, I got a promotion! So it was a big relief and lots of excitement.
At this time, we had already planned summer vacation to Savannah and St Augustine and it was an awesome vacation in a long time. Just spending time with my family and enjoying each other.
So I am at Week 3 at my new job, pulling in 12 hour days but at least I don’t have to work weekends. I am pretty sure that once I get the hang of things, my schedule will get better but for right now, every day is a new day, with lots to learn and it makes the hours go by too quickly.
Hubby has been in Mississippi for the past 3 weeks on Annual Training and I know he is having a hard time since living conditions are poor and they don’t ever get a break but I guess it is a necessary evil to get the men and women ready for real life war. I wish he didn’t have to go but I know what it means to him and to the rest of his colleagues so I can only bid them God Speed and pray for every single one of them to return safely to the arms of their loved ones. He comes home on Friday and we can’t wait!
And now, we’re caught up! I’ll update with pictures later… the disadvantage of not having a laptop, I am just so lazy to go all the way upstairs and get on the desktop!!! I am getting my work laptop next week though so that can only mean more convenient blogging/blog-hopping!
So there you have it, our lives in a nutshell! I hope each and everyone of you have been well and I look forward to stopping by your little ‘nests’ to catch up with what’s been going on.
Have a great week ahead y’all!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
4 years
On this very day 4 years ago, in the quaint little town of Annapolis, MD, I would never have imagined that my life would change. But change it did, in ways I could never have fathomed.... you chose to sacrifice your life so that mine could be spared... I was so angry, how dare you make that decision, we were supposed to be together forever, it would have been less painful if it were both of us, we could be young, in love and together forever.
I never really understood why... no matter how hard I tried or how ferverntly I prayed for the answers, it never came to me, none of it made sense... if you looked at it from a practical viewpoint, he had more use to this world as a doctor than I, as a CPA, aside from that, he was just a better person... more patient, more kind, more loving, just more of everything than I was... after a long while of searching, I finally stopped. I figured if I were to ever find the answer, it will make itself clear.
As I look into Eli's eyes, I've found it.
Thank you doesn't seem like it's ever enough but that's all you've ever wanted no matter how big or small the gift. I hope you are enjoying life at a better place and helping watch over this little boy whom you've given a chance at life.
Always grateful, always loved, never forgotten.
Rest in peace dear one.
I never really understood why... no matter how hard I tried or how ferverntly I prayed for the answers, it never came to me, none of it made sense... if you looked at it from a practical viewpoint, he had more use to this world as a doctor than I, as a CPA, aside from that, he was just a better person... more patient, more kind, more loving, just more of everything than I was... after a long while of searching, I finally stopped. I figured if I were to ever find the answer, it will make itself clear.
As I look into Eli's eyes, I've found it.
Thank you doesn't seem like it's ever enough but that's all you've ever wanted no matter how big or small the gift. I hope you are enjoying life at a better place and helping watch over this little boy whom you've given a chance at life.
Always grateful, always loved, never forgotten.
Rest in peace dear one.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Week 8
This week was another big week for Eli, we went to his 2 month wellness visit and shots today. I did not realise that 2 month olds go in for THREE shots at one go. I had already been apprehensive with my little one going in to be pricked at as much as I hate needles myself so imagine how much further my heart sunk when the doctor told us that it'll be 3 shots and one oral dose :(
Eli woke up in a good mood and was smiling, cooing and just being cheeky at the doctor and that broke my heart even further knowing what was in store for him... do all you other Mommies feel that guilt as well? I am the same way when I take the dog to the vet... I just feel as the parent, we're there to protect them from the unpleasant stuff especially since they can't fend for themselves... at the end of the day, I know it is for their own good and they will forget the pain.
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At 8 weeks and 6 days, Eli almost weighs 11 lbs (25th percentile), measures 22 inches (25th percentile) and head circumfrence 40.5 cm (50th percentile). So he's on the smallish side but apparently these aren't indicators of his future growth so we'll see if he'll be 5'5" like Mommy or 5'11" like Daddy... maybe he'll astound us and be 6ft tall :)
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Getting naked to be weighed in... see how happy he is??? I swear, that child loves to be in the buff!
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Waiting for the doctor... not really knowing what's in store for him.
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There's the smile!
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Being cheeky with Mommy. This is his new habit, he loves sticking his tongue out and instead of sucking his fingers, he pokes out that cute tongue and licks his fists. It is so cute... I was carrying him outside on the porch one evening facing outwards and suddenly I felt this little tickle on my hand and there he was licking away... my little lizard boy :)
.jpg)
Dr Neil giving Eli a thorough look over. He was impressed with his muscle tone and control of his head. Eli can lay on his tummy and lift his head, he recognises voices, is fascinated by lights, alert, coos/smiles/interacts and is able to fixate his eyes on objects. So overall an A+ report card! Oh, the doc was impressed with Eli's potty training and found that fascinating.
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With Shot #1, he didn't cry but he stopped cooing and you could see him registering what just happened... this pic is of Shot #2 when he just started bawling... it was heart breaking, he stopped crying only to be administered Shot #3. Good thing Grandma was there to hold him... I could barely watch :(
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All done and not very happy. He kept recalling the shots and would cry in little spurts all the way home. We put a hot compress on the shots and gave him infant Tylenol as soon as we got home and knock on wood, he's not had a fever and is sleeping soundly as well as eating normally.
On a happier note, we took him to visit with my client (the one who threw me a baby shower) and his Daddy's workplace as well and had lots of fun.
.jpg)
Loving on Aunt Lana.
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More sugar for Aunt Vicki.
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This is what he wore to church yesterday. I think his Daddy has hopes that he'll go to college and play ball for Bama :)
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With Ms Brittany and Ms Peggy at the old country gas station where Daddy stops by for coffee every morning on his way to work. They've adopted Daddy and give him free coffee as their thank you for his service to the country. They even got Eli gifts for his baby shower... random acts of kindness truly amazes me. In any case, we stopped by today so they could meet Eli and of course that boy was loved on to bits.
Week 8 was lovely and I look forward to spending more time with the little one with Week 9.... D-Day (going back to work) is looming (July 13th) but I am just sticking to thinking happy thoughts for now!
Eli woke up in a good mood and was smiling, cooing and just being cheeky at the doctor and that broke my heart even further knowing what was in store for him... do all you other Mommies feel that guilt as well? I am the same way when I take the dog to the vet... I just feel as the parent, we're there to protect them from the unpleasant stuff especially since they can't fend for themselves... at the end of the day, I know it is for their own good and they will forget the pain.
.jpg)
At 8 weeks and 6 days, Eli almost weighs 11 lbs (25th percentile), measures 22 inches (25th percentile) and head circumfrence 40.5 cm (50th percentile). So he's on the smallish side but apparently these aren't indicators of his future growth so we'll see if he'll be 5'5" like Mommy or 5'11" like Daddy... maybe he'll astound us and be 6ft tall :)
.jpg)
Getting naked to be weighed in... see how happy he is??? I swear, that child loves to be in the buff!
.jpg)
Waiting for the doctor... not really knowing what's in store for him.
.jpg)
There's the smile!
.jpg)
Being cheeky with Mommy. This is his new habit, he loves sticking his tongue out and instead of sucking his fingers, he pokes out that cute tongue and licks his fists. It is so cute... I was carrying him outside on the porch one evening facing outwards and suddenly I felt this little tickle on my hand and there he was licking away... my little lizard boy :)
.jpg)
Dr Neil giving Eli a thorough look over. He was impressed with his muscle tone and control of his head. Eli can lay on his tummy and lift his head, he recognises voices, is fascinated by lights, alert, coos/smiles/interacts and is able to fixate his eyes on objects. So overall an A+ report card! Oh, the doc was impressed with Eli's potty training and found that fascinating.
.jpg)
With Shot #1, he didn't cry but he stopped cooing and you could see him registering what just happened... this pic is of Shot #2 when he just started bawling... it was heart breaking, he stopped crying only to be administered Shot #3. Good thing Grandma was there to hold him... I could barely watch :(
.jpg)
All done and not very happy. He kept recalling the shots and would cry in little spurts all the way home. We put a hot compress on the shots and gave him infant Tylenol as soon as we got home and knock on wood, he's not had a fever and is sleeping soundly as well as eating normally.
On a happier note, we took him to visit with my client (the one who threw me a baby shower) and his Daddy's workplace as well and had lots of fun.
.jpg)
Loving on Aunt Lana.
.jpg)
More sugar for Aunt Vicki.
.jpg)
This is what he wore to church yesterday. I think his Daddy has hopes that he'll go to college and play ball for Bama :)
.jpg)
With Ms Brittany and Ms Peggy at the old country gas station where Daddy stops by for coffee every morning on his way to work. They've adopted Daddy and give him free coffee as their thank you for his service to the country. They even got Eli gifts for his baby shower... random acts of kindness truly amazes me. In any case, we stopped by today so they could meet Eli and of course that boy was loved on to bits.
Week 8 was lovely and I look forward to spending more time with the little one with Week 9.... D-Day (going back to work) is looming (July 13th) but I am just sticking to thinking happy thoughts for now!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
In rememberance
I just received very sad news, the world has lost one of its brightest citizens, Lieutenant Colonel (R) Jim Victor was called home to the Lord yesterday, May 26, 2009. I don’t know too many details but wanted to record this in history for this is a man who has touched and help shape the lives of so many midshipmen at the United States Naval Academy, my late husband, Scott included.
You will be missed my dear friend!
Semper Fi!
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With Col Vic on Memorial Day 2008 in Annapolis.
You will be missed my dear friend!
Semper Fi!
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With Col Vic on Memorial Day 2008 in Annapolis.
Week 7
Lots of going-ons this week, the biggest being Eli's first road trip! We decided to visit with Grandpa and Nini this Memorial Day weekend and packed the car to the brim and took the 6 hour drive down to Alabama. Amazingly, the Little Guy was so well behaved and needed to stop once each way for a diaper change and burping session.
Overall, it was a successful trip, Eli enjoyed being loved on by both his god-mothers, aunts and grandparents. I was initially nervous about him adapting to the new place but he took it all in stride.
Talking to Daddy at Grandpa's
Exercise session with Daddy... one, two, three, stretch...
Passed out in Nini's arms
Also, a milestone this week is that he's gotten the hang of being potty trained. Probably a bit too much information, but I am amazed that someone so little can understand what he needs to do.
Afternoon 'constitution'
Other than that, we've been enjoying our time together at home with my mother and taking little excursions... I am dreading the thought of having to go back to work in 5 weeks but hopefully it will not be too bad. Any advice from those out there who've been through this?
Dancing with Mummy's sweet boy.
Chilling after a nice warm bath.
Good news, my mum's visa got extended till April next year so I was thinking that she can help watch Eli for a few more months instead of the initial plan of sending Eli to daycare in September which was her original departure date... however, this place runs like a school and only has intakes once a year... the rest of the year, they accept new intakes only if someone leaves. As such, Eli will be going to daycare beginning September 8th... I will not lie, I am so nervous about that...
I'm not sure if he'll cry at daycare but Mummy sure will when I drop you off :(
Pretty blue eyes.
Overall, it was a successful trip, Eli enjoyed being loved on by both his god-mothers, aunts and grandparents. I was initially nervous about him adapting to the new place but he took it all in stride.
Talking to Daddy at Grandpa's
Exercise session with Daddy... one, two, three, stretch...
Passed out in Nini's arms
Also, a milestone this week is that he's gotten the hang of being potty trained. Probably a bit too much information, but I am amazed that someone so little can understand what he needs to do.
Afternoon 'constitution'
Other than that, we've been enjoying our time together at home with my mother and taking little excursions... I am dreading the thought of having to go back to work in 5 weeks but hopefully it will not be too bad. Any advice from those out there who've been through this?
Dancing with Mummy's sweet boy.
Chilling after a nice warm bath.
Good news, my mum's visa got extended till April next year so I was thinking that she can help watch Eli for a few more months instead of the initial plan of sending Eli to daycare in September which was her original departure date... however, this place runs like a school and only has intakes once a year... the rest of the year, they accept new intakes only if someone leaves. As such, Eli will be going to daycare beginning September 8th... I will not lie, I am so nervous about that...
I'm not sure if he'll cry at daycare but Mummy sure will when I drop you off :(
Pretty blue eyes.
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