Friday, March 12, 2010

Thirty Two

That's how old I will be in exactly 1 hour, 48 minutes.

How time has flown by, but with every birthday, I just thank the good Lord for allowing me to enjoy another spring, summer, autumn and winter... another year filled with moments, good as well as the bad, memories to cherish, frustrations to burn... alas such is this journey we call life.

It's definitely been a joyful, yet challenging year. Almost at the beginning of my 31st year, we welcomed our little bundle of joy... who, by the way, will be ONE in a few weeks! Every single day, I fall deeper in love with this little boy, just when you think it's an impossible feat.

One of the biggest trial this past year which will also be present for the rest of the coming year is my husband's deployment to Iraq. The separation is not as overwhelming as the fear of what might/could happen. I think that is the biggest stress I carry with me, I get antsy when I dont hear from him during the day and the anxiety only heightens as nightfall... I cannot sleep, I think the most horrible thoughts and when I finally hear from him, relief leaves me feeling like a wet rag and I try my very best not to be frustrated at him for not calling the day before. After the call, the cycle repeats itself.

Perhaps the loss of my first husband makes me paranoid but I am almost certain that other deployed families go through some measure of constant worry and stress.

I think I have physically aged so much in the past year, I have spotted my first grey hair, still carry my excess baby weight, hair falling out in clumps and just exhausted all the time... I suppose the 16 hour days, 7 days a week job does not make things better.

I am hopeful things will change, on the 15th Eli starts daycare and I have no choice but to leave at 4.30pm everyday to make it in time to pick him up from daycare before they shut their doors so we'll see how my job copes with that because right now, the expectation is that I go into work even though I am sick, I have pink eye right now and have gone to work all days.

So here's to 32, may you bring blessings to our little family, laughter and love in abundance.