Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Troubled World

As my son lies in my arms, lost in dreams, I think this is what angels must look like. So quiet, so peaceful, always innocent. Dressed in his new pajamas with colorful airplanes and puppies, his little snores are endearing. The familiar weight and warmth is so hard to let go of, but eventually, I place him in his crib. I watch to make sure he settles in and continue sleeping then I reluctantly traipse back to bed.

How drastically our lives have changed, we were one when we got married but with Eli, we are now whole, complete. It is this sense of completeness that triggers a sense of fear/worry. Watching the news does not help at all to allay these fears… babies snatched from their own home, girls/boys snatched off their front yard to be raped/murdered, teens kidnapped/killed … all ugly realities but occurring all around us. How did mankind evolve to be so hateful, so cruel? What causes these behaviors? Is it the lack of religion in their lives? Is it a hurtful past? Whatever it is, I fervently pray for a more peaceful people so that as our children grow up, they are immersed in a society where these despiteful and heinous crimes are not the norm.

I wish I could shelter my child from the harsh realities of life but I know it is not possible nor the most responsible parenting. My wish for my son is that he will grow up to be intelligent, thoughtful, respectful… a good man. If every single one of us is able to do that successfully, perhaps there will be a better tomorrow? I am hopeful.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Eli at 5 1/2 months

We took some W*mart portraits just for fun and the little one had a blast. Here's some eye candy for those of you who don't have me as your friend on FB!

We're back!

Time certainly has a way to escape the conscious mind. It has been a while since I have updated this blog to the dismay of grandmas, aunts, friends and family alike. It definitely has been a hectic few months with so many life altering events occurring in what seems like the domino effect.

I returned to work on July 15th after 3 blissful months of waking up and knowing I could do whatever I desired for the day and watch our precious little bundle sprout from that little pea he was to the jolly little toddler he is today. I cannot believe that tomorrow will mark the 6 month anniversary of that wonderful day Eli finally decided to join us in the real world. I do dread the 6 month shot but a little pain is necessary it seems in this process of growing up.

Exactly a month to the day I returned to work on August 15th, I was laid off. Got called in to the partner’s office one morning and 2 minutes later, I walked out in a daze, barely remembering something about the economy and attrition not being where it should be and they were sorry that they had to let me go but how thankful they were of all my hard work and professionalism. So there it was, a 7 year career in a Big Four accounting firm, incinerated in a matter of minutes. How quickly a life and circumstances change doesn’t it? I did myself proud though amidst of this, I walked out with my head help high, not a tear in sight and thanked everyone.

Perhaps honesty wasn’t the best policy but I know not how to conduct life any other way nor I desire to change it but from the moment we got pregnant and learnt that Hubby will be deploying to Iraq at the end of 2009 and will be overseas for 12 – 16 months, I immediately reached out to my partners and told them how my life was changing and I don’t mind working the long hours but can no longer travel and have to be a little flexible (being able to leave at 5 to pick up my son from daycare and continue working from home in the evenings)… they said no problem, they’d be happy to work with me etc etc…

I guess I shouldn’t take it personal, it was just business, but I couldn’t help but feel betrayed… it must be how spouses feel like when their mate cheats on them… I drove home that day with a sick feeling in my stomach, I didn’t know how to relay this to my family, I felt like such a failure… to my surprise, my husband just comforted me and told me not to worry, that I should just stay home a while and enjoy my time with Eli and if I still don’t get a job by the time he leaves, I can be a full time mom for the year he was gone. Part of me felt so relieved but the other part of me felt like I wasn’t pulling my weight with the loss of the income I had been bringing in.

What was worse was that every time I held Eli, I felt guilty, like I was letting him down somehow… and I remember telling him that Mommy could no longer buy him toys and bawling… must be the post pregnancy hormones because it wasn’t long after where I embraced my job as a mom and just let God decide if there was something out there that was for me at this stage in my life. I wonder if all other Mom’s feel this ‘guilt’ I talk about?

Prior to being laid off, I had gone for several interviews just for the experience and never really gave them much thought. A couple of days after the layoff, the recruiter calls to tell me that one of the employers I interviewed with was very interested and wanted to fly me out to San Francisco. I had mixed feelings because the job description/package sounded okay but the commute was horrible, an hour each way! But Hubby and I talked about it and we were like, what the heck??? There is nothing to lose, I can go out there and see what it’s all about. If I like it, great. If not, I can say I have been San Francisco right? So I went, met the CEO, CFO, Vice President and got along fabulously with everyone. Also, during this time, I learnt from the CFO that they were moving the offices downtown (which makes it only 30 minutes each way!). I prayed really hard about this, it’s disconcerting because one never knows what each path in life leads but I asked God that if this is for me, make it happen! And make it happen, He certainly did!

So just a couple of days prior to this, my professional world came crashing down and a week later, I accepted an offer for employment commencing September 15th. In this economy, I got a 20% pay increase, bonus program, stock options, free dental/vision, 401k match and better hours. Above all, I got a promotion! So it was a big relief and lots of excitement.

At this time, we had already planned summer vacation to Savannah and St Augustine and it was an awesome vacation in a long time. Just spending time with my family and enjoying each other.

So I am at Week 3 at my new job, pulling in 12 hour days but at least I don’t have to work weekends. I am pretty sure that once I get the hang of things, my schedule will get better but for right now, every day is a new day, with lots to learn and it makes the hours go by too quickly.

Hubby has been in Mississippi for the past 3 weeks on Annual Training and I know he is having a hard time since living conditions are poor and they don’t ever get a break but I guess it is a necessary evil to get the men and women ready for real life war. I wish he didn’t have to go but I know what it means to him and to the rest of his colleagues so I can only bid them God Speed and pray for every single one of them to return safely to the arms of their loved ones. He comes home on Friday and we can’t wait!

And now, we’re caught up! I’ll update with pictures later… the disadvantage of not having a laptop, I am just so lazy to go all the way upstairs and get on the desktop!!! I am getting my work laptop next week though so that can only mean more convenient blogging/blog-hopping!

So there you have it, our lives in a nutshell! I hope each and everyone of you have been well and I look forward to stopping by your little ‘nests’ to catch up with what’s been going on.

Have a great week ahead y’all!