Bad Mommy

I have been so nervous and anxious all week as our little Bama is scheduled to be spayed and have her baby canines extracted since her permanent ones are out but the milk teeth refuse to fall off! I guess that it's not a big deal, millions of dogs get spayed/neutered all around the world, I just never thought I'd feel this way when our turn came.

Hubby doesn't give this too much thought, he makes fun of me for being so worried but until I have my baby home safe, I won't be at ease. Maybe this is what other Mommy's [of human or furry babies] feel?

Bama probably knew something was different today [how can she not??? Her Daddy teased her yesterday about today!]... J takes her out every morning when he wakes up at 5ish and puts her back in the crate before he leaves for work. Bama will usually sit in there and watch me till I wake up and let her out. Today, was different though, she did not do that, she just laid in her crate listless and even when I let her out, she was reluctant to come out. She stayed by my side every single step and only when I brushed her, she got some of her spunk back [she thinks brushing is play time].

I brought out her doggie carrier and she thought it was 'going out' day... since she did not go No. 2 when J took her out, I took her one last time and after tinkling real quickly, she wanted to run in [never happens cos she always try to convince us to take her on her walkies!].... as soon as she got in, she ran into her carrier... it was the funniest thing.

The whole short drive, I was feeling so guilty, she kept scratching on the carrier and giving me her cutesy look... so innocent, so trusting and here I'm sending her to pain and misery :( Oh gosh... how am I going to survive taking my child for his shots!!! I know it's for their own good but I wish there wasn't any pain involved :(

She realised it wasn't a joyride when we stopped at the vet's... she didn't want to get out of her carrier and when I took her in, she could not stop shaking... again, this is odd as she likes going to the vet as we send her here for grooming, boarding and doggie daycare (before we found her a dogwalker). Anyways, I left her in the arms of the vet technician, still shaking and I really had to try very hard not to cry.

Maybe it's the pregnancy or maybe like I said, it's a 'Mommy' feeling... people say it's 'just a dog' but it's not just a dog to me, she's a family member and maybe I'm over protective because she's defenseless, she trusts us to take care of her and her trust and love is unconditional. Period.

I am praying hard that everything will be okay and she'll be back to her normal self in a couple of days.

Halloween Party

We just got invited to a dress up Halloween party by one of our neighbors and I'm at a loss as to what to dress up as! Suggestions so far are;
i) Pumpkin (so original right???)
ii) Nun (by the hostess who thinks a pregnant nun is hilarious... ummm I think I'll pass)

So it's back to the drawing board, just have to keep pondering (in between breaks from study and work of course!). About this whole study thing, it IS so true that the older you get, the harder it is to focus and this is by all means nothing to do with age. It seems that the older I am, the more things we have going on... last year was the wedding, this year the baby and I HOPE there is NO next year!

I am beginning to detest sitting with my books as the beautiful days pass on by and my poor neglected Hubby passes time alone upstairs either watching tv, strumming on his guitar, DIY projects or playing with the puppy. It's time like these that you'd find me going upstairs every so often with really no reason but to escape studying and re-join life.

So I'm praying hard that I can focus and just get this done... it doesn't help that I missed passing by 1 point last year... argh! Next year, I want to enjoy my non-work hours watching my baby grow, be wifey to the Hubby and just spend time doing the things I enjoy. If that's not motivation enough, I'm not sure what is! I guess what's left is I need to remind myself of that.

Back to the books!

It's a BOY!

Today marks the beginning of Week 14 and what a surprise we had when we took a little peep at Little Bit this morning! First and foremost, he had grown 50% since we had seen him 2 weeks ago, his current stats are;

Length - 93 mm
Heartbeat - 122 bpm

It was so fun to watch him, his arms and legs were already formed, we got to count the 5 perfect little fingers and much to our delight, we finally got to see that it's a little boy! No more he/she but HIM! He was a little shy at first keeping his legs crossed and after the ultrasound technician poked and prodded, the little one finally adjusted and there it was... for all to see, his little pee-pee.


The pee-pee! Do you see it??

The Hubby is still in denial, he keeps saying it's the umbilical cord but to prove to him that it isn't, the ultrasound technician switched on the thermal scanner which shows the movement/flow of blood and alas, the umbilical cord was nowhere near Little Bit's nether regions. Anyways, I am convinced it's a boy and so is the technician. I guess Daddy'll just have to wait till the next thorough ultrasound in 4weeks.


Look at this adorable profile!


Hi Mommy!!! Or was it nudging my ribcage???


Do you see the tips of his fingers?

So now, we have to pick a boy's name since I had been so sure it was a girl and my mindset was ready for little dresses, ballet classes etc... don't get me wrong, I am so excited it's a boy but I think every Mother secretly wishes to have a little girl! Anyways, I can see myself as a soccer/football/hockey/cub scout mom and I really can't wait for him to be here so we can finally hold him!

Keep growing little one, be healthy and strong... know you are so loved even before we've laid eyes on you!

Catch up

Monday, October 6th – Week 12

Another trip to the doctor for a follow up, and another peek into our snuggle bunny’s hideaway. It’s got to be a better machine being used or maybe it’s because they have an extra monitor for the parents to look at and instead of just laying there trying to sneak a peek, the Little One was in full view. What joy it was! It was a whole lot different than I remember at 7 week. Instead of a blurb with a yolk sac attached, this was one little human being, as observed sketchily in Week 11, you could see the head, eyes, arms legs and it was amazing just watching him do somersaults and his tiny arms were propped as if he were in a boxing match. The nurse suggested that maybe it’s a boy since it’s so rowdy… of course that made his Daddy beam! In any case, both of us were just so amazed to see this precious little life God has blessed us with!

This time, we got copies of the ultrasound pictures, and in one of them, we witnessed our child’s first smile. It was as clear as day and my heart just scrunched up, I want so bad for everything to be okay, for our baby to be born happy and healthy… we constantly worry about this but to see his smile, was as if he was reassuring us that everything would be okay and not to worry!

I wish we knew how to scan this in to share with you but each attempt just resulted in an ugly blotch of black and white. Any tips or ideas for those of you who’ve successfully been able to scan this in?

Week 12 stats;
Heartbeat - 160 bpm
Length - 60 mm

UPDATE - Scans are here!


Already know how to pose for the camera!


Do you see his SMILE? *heart melts*


Arial view.


The "Daddy" profile... smooth big head, smooth bigger belly... ha ha

Monday, September 29th - Week 11

This marks a month since we last went for our initial OB visit and ultrasound. To my surprise, it was very brief. My obstetrician just went through a list of routine questions, attempted to detect Little Bit’s heartbeat using a Doppler but was unsuccessful which I was very glad! That only meant that she had to use the ultrasound machine and hence we got a sneak peak of the Little One. How much has he grown! We see little arms and little legs and a big round head just like daddy’s! Most importantly, we saw his little heart beating strongly… every little glimpse of this little wonder growing in me just makes us fall in love with him all over again.