Bad Mommy

I have been so nervous and anxious all week as our little Bama is scheduled to be spayed and have her baby canines extracted since her permanent ones are out but the milk teeth refuse to fall off! I guess that it's not a big deal, millions of dogs get spayed/neutered all around the world, I just never thought I'd feel this way when our turn came.

Hubby doesn't give this too much thought, he makes fun of me for being so worried but until I have my baby home safe, I won't be at ease. Maybe this is what other Mommy's [of human or furry babies] feel?

Bama probably knew something was different today [how can she not??? Her Daddy teased her yesterday about today!]... J takes her out every morning when he wakes up at 5ish and puts her back in the crate before he leaves for work. Bama will usually sit in there and watch me till I wake up and let her out. Today, was different though, she did not do that, she just laid in her crate listless and even when I let her out, she was reluctant to come out. She stayed by my side every single step and only when I brushed her, she got some of her spunk back [she thinks brushing is play time].

I brought out her doggie carrier and she thought it was 'going out' day... since she did not go No. 2 when J took her out, I took her one last time and after tinkling real quickly, she wanted to run in [never happens cos she always try to convince us to take her on her walkies!].... as soon as she got in, she ran into her carrier... it was the funniest thing.

The whole short drive, I was feeling so guilty, she kept scratching on the carrier and giving me her cutesy look... so innocent, so trusting and here I'm sending her to pain and misery :( Oh gosh... how am I going to survive taking my child for his shots!!! I know it's for their own good but I wish there wasn't any pain involved :(

She realised it wasn't a joyride when we stopped at the vet's... she didn't want to get out of her carrier and when I took her in, she could not stop shaking... again, this is odd as she likes going to the vet as we send her here for grooming, boarding and doggie daycare (before we found her a dogwalker). Anyways, I left her in the arms of the vet technician, still shaking and I really had to try very hard not to cry.

Maybe it's the pregnancy or maybe like I said, it's a 'Mommy' feeling... people say it's 'just a dog' but it's not just a dog to me, she's a family member and maybe I'm over protective because she's defenseless, she trusts us to take care of her and her trust and love is unconditional. Period.

I am praying hard that everything will be okay and she'll be back to her normal self in a couple of days.