Update

Life has been pretty overwhelming to say the least over the past few months and finally I feel like we may have some breathing space. To friends who are not on FB, I will do my best to update as concise as possible the craziness that has been our life :) Pics will have to wait because I cannot find my cable and as soon as I do, I'll get them on here.

March 15th - Eli starts daycare/school

March 20th - We celebrated Eli's 1st Birthday a couple of weeks early so that my mother could be part of it before she left home for Malaysia

April 3rd - Mom leaves and I am truly by myself with zero support with a one year old baby and a dog :( What made it worse was that since Eli had never really been exposed to other children, he was constantly sick at daycare. I took him to the doctor multiple times a week.

April 14th - Eli suddenly developed high fever and had seizures at 2am. This was the most frightening experience and after 3 seizures in a row, laying limp in my arms and eyes glazed over, I was still on the phone with 911... it took 30 minutes for the paramedics to come... I really thought that I had lost my baby... I will never forget that night.

It turned out that he had a severe ear infection and that was what caused the temperature to spike so quickly. Apparently the seizures are a baby's way to cool their bodies... not cool for Mommy :(

May 1st - Historic downpours in Nashville, interstates flooded... I was vigilant all night, watching the news channel and praying very hard we will be okay. It was a sleepless night for me since I kept imagining that if I slept, that we'll drown in our beds. Our backyard is the Harpeth River

May 2nd - As soon as day broke, I hurried outside to see the conditions of the river. My heart sank... the nature trail is flooded, the rain is still pouring. Power goes out. No more weather reports. I call my neighbor at 6am to come over to see for herself... 2 hours later, the water was in our backyard. I scurried around packing food for Eli, some clothes, dog food and at 10am, the water was at our backdoor.

Our neighbor and I fled from our homes. We had to drive through some flooded streets which in hindsight was not the smartest thing but we really did not know what to do... I prayed so hard that God will carry us through the water and bring us to safety. Our kind neighbor had a daughter who lived in the same sub-division but on a hill. They opened their home to us. Still no power, Eli was on fresh milk and I just put it in a cooler (did not have ice) and prayed it would last

Our hosts kept making rounds in the flood waters, coming back with updates... it truly was surreal... cannot imagine that happening to us

2 days being cut off from the world and no power, the water finally receded enough for us to go back to our houses.

What I saw was devastating. Our beautiful home, no more. Everything was destroyed... all that was left was a soggy, fishy, rancid shell. Eli didn't think anything different. He wanted down to play with his toys... heartbreaking

I remember vividly just holding on tighter to Eli and sitting out on the front porch. Watching the neighbors get busy trying to get their houses back in order. Kind volunteers came searching for the "young mother with her husband in Iraq" and they were the ones who helped tear out the saturated carpets, hardwood etc

Thus, was the beginning of our nightmare.

It seemed that it was one thing after another, finding a place to stay, paperwork for financing (home rebuilding), interviewing contractors, mitigation work, the list goes on... Now, remember that thousands of homes were affected so resources were very limited so the wait begun.

I will probably elaborate more as I think about it.

June 18th - My first husband's 5 year death anniversary. Some of you may already know he drowned whilst rescuing me from a rip tide. Difficult day because it felt like I had to start over every 5 years and that each time, water is my enemy


July - FINALLY sorted out financing for the home rebuilding and building commenced

August 1st - I get a phone call. My husband is out of Iraq and is waiting in Kuwait for transport back to the US!!!

August 4th - Husband finally arrives in Maine en route to Mississippi

August 9th - Eli & I stood at the tarmac of the military base eagerly awaiting that grey-blue military plane carrying precious cargo to arrive. The emotions were absolutely electric. What a happy day it was, our family was together again!

Present Day (Aug 13th) - The Hubs is adjusting well to civilian life, Eli has taken to him amazingly well, our home is coming along (move back date is Aug 28th) and I cannot wait for the weekend to just be able to spend some time with my my favorites boys!



To Be Continued :)

Valentine's Day 2009

This is definitely a truly belated post but still, better late than never. Valentine's Day straddled the weekend this year and Mr. J and I decided to just go away for the weekend and spend some alone time before baby makes his presence. We decided on a whim to go up to Lake Guntersville, Alabama and spend the weekend in the brand new Lodge built up on the hill.

We were blessed with magnificent weather and truly enjoyed our time together doing nothing at all but enjoying each other's company. We toured the park, had unhurried dinner/lunch dates, went golfing (I drove the cart and enjoyed the scenery/weather), shopping. I am so glad we decided to break away together and look forward to doing more of that, even with baby!


The front entrance of the Lodge, love the wooden beams!


Enjoying the fireplace


View from our room


Sunset shared with Mr. J


Stopping by the overlook.... getting rounder everyday


Hitting the greens with Mr J

Of Seahorses and Prayers

Mr. J and I have been on pins and needles since 08.08.08. The reason being, that was the day we found out we were pregnant! The day before, a Thursday, I went for my routine annual exam with my gynecologist. It was nothing out of the ordinary, pap smear, lab, consultation, all packed in a compressed 1 hour visit and I left the doctor’s with nary a second thought.

August 8, 2008

We received a phone call in the morning from Cherie, my gynae’s assistant. She goes into this spiel of how my lab work comes back and every thing looks fine BUT… and I was like “Oh dear, what is she going to tell me??? Abnormal cells? Hormonal imbalance? Diabetes???!!!”. Anyways, in the midst of those torrential thoughts, I hear the word ‘pregnant’. And there were are, by the kitchen bar and my husband is looking at me dumbfounded and asking me who’s pregnant??? I guess it’s me!!! Ha ha Cherie later told us that our sheer delight are the rewards of her job and I can understand why!!! She gets to deliver the good news that our prayers were answered!

She did caution me that it seems that we had merely just conceived so to ensure it is progressing normally, I had to come in the next week to draw another lab test. I have not had so much blood withdrawn as I had with this pregnancy, in as much as I dread it, knowing that it’s a means to an end is consolation. I guess any mother would do just about anything for their little one!

August 13, 2008

Second lab test. HcG levels have doubled, pregnancy is progressing well. I am prescribed prometrium in addition to prenatal vitamins. Apparently prometrium helps thicken the linings of the uterus so that the fetus/embryo has a nice cushy layer to nestle in. I am to take this till Week 13. This night was the first time I took it and boy, it knocked me out, the next day, waking up, I had to wonder if I got run over by a truck in my sleep judging from how achy I felt!

By this time, Mr. J has been called away for over 3 weeks of military exercise in Mississippi, so little baby, little puppy and a very alone mummy tried to cope through morning sickness, housebreaking, working, studying and everything else the best we can!

September 2, 2008

Our very first ultrasound! Needless to say, this day has been all we’ve been looking forward to ever since we found out that we are having a little one. Had I known just how much occurs during this visit [took us 4 hours!], we would have had breakfast or at least brought a snack along.

We first started with the ultrasound; this was, hands down, the most fun. After a mess of warm jelly was slathered all over my belly, it was time to peek in at the little one. It did not take too much searching and there she/he was! Such a relief to know the little one is where it’s supposed to be. Worries about ectopic pregnancies melted away as the glee we felt overcame us.

The husband’s first reaction was “Holy crap! It looks like a tadpole!”… then it was “Holy crap, it looks like an alien!”, to my disapproving grunts, he took that one back, then it was “Holy crap, look at it’s tail, it looks like a seahorse!”… All this while, the hubby was alternating between squeezing my feet, grasping his head, rubbing his eyes, there surely was no lack of emotions going on for sure!






The 'fiery' looking globe is the yolk sac... Hubby has a point, it kind of looks like a baby dragon spitting blobs of flame :)

See the little heartbeat for the first time was a surreal feeling for sure, a healthy 154 bpm, it validates the nausea, headaches, elevated heartbeats, frequent got-to-go’s, bloating and the list goes on!

The rest of the visit was pretty much routine met with my Obstetrician and went over the vital signs and the last stop was the lab to drop off some blood. By this time, the hubby was more than ready to go. Men, they are all cranky when tired :)

September 10, 2008

We finally broke down and told the parents. I was so afraid his mother was going to have coronary failure, she was in her own little piece of heaven. This will be her very first grandchild from her only child so I can imagine her relief and excitement as she probably didn’t think her son would ever get married, much less have an offspring :)

What a relief, we no longer have to make a conscious effort to not let it slip that Mr. Stork will be paying us a visit!

Present Day

Mr. J needs to read a book on pregnancy! I don’t think he is sympathetic enough just because he can’t relate to the changes I am going through. He’s a food police, always forcing me to eat when the mere thought of it is enough to cause heaving reactions. He barks at me if I wear anything close to form fitting since he thinks it’s going to suffocate baby so I walk around in maternity sacks and I’m only 2 months along! Oh well, I guess no one notices.

Hurricane season

Life has been a whirlwind. I have not seen my husband for the past month, work keeps me busy 70-80 hours a week, I've pretty much have been a single parent to our little BamBam for the past month, that plus studying for the international qualification exam and keeping up the house, I am surprised that I have yet to pass out!

It's finally Labor Day weekend, my husband is home, puppy's happy, almost perfect right? Well it would have been if I am not here in Toronto, Canada, attending a comprehensive 3-day live course of exam preparation classes. On the plus side, I've made new friends and am enjoying their company and exploring the city.

I'm looking forward for Monday when I can finally go home and perhaps spend some cuddle time with my dear hubster... until he told me that he may not be home... they're alerting the Tenn. Guards for a possible mobilisation to Mississippi for the hurricane relief efforts, if God forbid, it turns out horrendous on Monday when the storm is expected to hit.

So I am putting my hands together and lifting my prayers that no more lives will be lost in this raging storm and that Mr. J can be home for a while. We miss each other and I can't wait till our little family is complete once again... even if it's just for a little while.

Love is...

The joy that only a puppy can bring!

Yes indeed, I never truly realized how much responsibility it took to welcome a puppy into the family! We've always had dogs growing up but we never really had to do anything with it, our parents always took care of everything. So when Mr. J repeated the prep talk for the umpteenth I thought he was exaggerating. By Day 2, I had to take a nap in the afternoon, thank goodness it was the weekend!


First hour home, so timid and quiet.


Daddy comforting the little bug on her first night sleeping in the crate.


Next morning, it was my duty to take her potty at 5.30am and she refused to get into her crate and her Daddy who previously insisted that no dog was getting in our bed, plopped her on a towel in bed!


Yawn... it's so tiring being a puppy!


Afternoon nap after a full morning of exploring her new home!


Driving around with Grandma during her visit!


Happy family :)


Thanks for the pretty dress Grandma!


Ready to go for a walk with Daddy.

Anyhow, our little bug is finally happy with sleeping in her crate and only wakes up once at about 5.30 am to go potty. I’ve not seen her for 2 weeks as I have been out of town for work but Mr. J tells me how smart and quick she is to learn things.


This pic was taken yesterday, my how she's grown, I'm counting down the days before I get to hold her again!

My sister K, noted that I've been so quiet with posts, now you know what we've been busy with! We had an enjoyable 4th of July with the family at a mountain top cabin, it was great to regroup and re-energize, I will have some pics to post soon.

How was your 4th of July?

Little things

More often than not, I find the greatest pleasure in the littlest things... and what wonderful time of the year to enjoy some of Mother Nature's simple pleasures. It's hard not to like Spring with the icy fingers of frost melting away, emerald buds emerging from their artic slumber, blooms of all different shades lending magnificent color to the canvas of our daily lives... so much enthusiasm, so much promise. I love this time of year!

This week has been a good one by far, we had to spend evenings together, be it watching Law & Order on the couch [yes, we have gotten hooked on the marathons they've been running and since we never had time to watch tv, most of these episodes were new to us] or even like last night, just laying together on the couch downstairs with nary a sound but us talking about everything and anything under the sun and we wound up to the topic of children and out of the blue Mr. J proclaims that if we were to be blessed with a son, his name will be Ghosamer. YES, my reaction exactly!!!! What the heck does that EVEN mean??? In what language???? It turns out that he was pulling my leg cos he loves seeing me freak out... he wants to play this by his parents... so the only thing left is I need to be able to keep a straight face!

What a nice way to end the week, another cozy night in with dinner prepared by yours truly, crabcakes with salad topped with gourmand walnut cheese, black grapes and macademias with a touch of balsamic vinegrette.


Ooooh, and I struck purple gold! I found Ribena here in Nashville! All the way from Malaysia. Retailing at $7.99, it was definitely more expensive but hey, anything that brings you down memory lane is worth it!

Amor Vincit Omnia

Carissimo mihi, we would have celebrated your 38th birthday today. I wonder if they celebrate birthdays in heaven??? If they do, I hope that yours is a luscious Boston crème with oodles of delightfully cold, creamy filling slathered with warm chocolate ganache just as you like it!

It just occurred to me that we have never been on the same continent; much less celebrated our birthdays with each other in the 8 years we had been together. That saddens me as I would never know what it would have been like… however, I realize that every single day that you have loved me, was a celebration in itself. It was you who showed me through your actions, what love truly is about.

Your kindness and compassion knows no boundaries, for some reason, my thoughts flashed back to the time we went to the auto mechanic to get the windows in the ’39 Chevy fixed and we met one of the mechanics there who barely spoke English but whose foot was clearly troubling him. I remember how my heart filled with pride seeing you dressed in your suit with his dirty foot on your knee and tenderly, you cleaned out the pus, medicated his wounds and bandaged it for him. He offered to fix the window for free but you would have none of it, seeing his little ones running peeking out of the office. It didn’t matter that we didn’t really have much then, but your words ring true till this day, better us to do without for a while than babies who wouldn’t understand if they didn’t get their next meal.

Despite the life lessons I learnt from you during your life hear on earth, it wasn’t until you went to be with the Lord that I learnt harsh lessons of the real world. I finally realized how sheltered and innocent/naïve I was and to a large extent, I was very childish. You had enabled this behavior by doting on me to the extent I never did anything wrong in your eyes and I sure took full advantage of it! But everything changed in a split second, it seemed like I was stuck in a nightmare I could not wake up from. Hysteria wouldn’t even begin to describe how I felt, I was heartbroken, I was petrified, I was in denial, I kept praying to God to take me in your place! You were the better half of us, so much to contribute to humanity and I was just… me. I did not and still do not understand why things turned out the way they did.

For a little while, I was even mad at you, why is it that you get to choose who lived between us both, why would you not let me go? Did you not hear my screams? Did you not feel my shoves? Why didn’t you go to safety? I still remember feeling you slip away from my arms, I grabbed on to your shirt but Mother Nature pried us apart, I never thought that I’d never see you again. It still sickens me to think about the “what if”s or the “if only”s.

I always wonder if you’ll remember me when you see me again? Do you hear me when I talk to you? Do angels have the ability to see into one’s heart and mind? I don’t know but if we ever meet again, I am sure we will have a lot of catching up to do!

Picking up the pieces were extremely difficult, it drove me crazy living in the little cottage, I kept expecting you to storm through the door exclaiming “Honeybee! I’m home!” and reaching out to me with a kiss and a hug and smugly ask what’s for dinner! :) It was also a confusing time because I had to learn the hard way who truly cared for me and who had ulterior motives. Beth, Rob, Josh, Nick, Nate, James… I don’t know how I would have gotten through without them! You were right about John and your brother though. Then, it was how unfair it felt that the world went on as usual when mine was non-existent. Or how people at work gossip or be mean or spiteful or make me feel that I didn’t belong… You must know how hard that is for me as I take great pride in what I do and being the person I am.

Amongst all that pain and destruction, I was constantly reminded by your constant words of encouragement, how I’m your ‘strong girl’ and persevered. Once again, you were right, the rainbow did emerge from the darkness of the storm.

I never thought my heart would heal or even love again but it did. People made me feel guilty for this, make me feel like I didn’t love you enough or betrayed you. But you know my heart, words can’t express how I feel but as you always say, I have to live for myself and how I feel about myself instead of what others think of me. And I did.

He is like you in so many ways except a little more rough around the edges. He’s intelligent, hardworking, caring, unselfish, kind and makes me laugh all the time. He has a lot of respect and love for you. You picture and flag is displayed proudly in our home and we share your heroism and story with anyone who would listen. It is when I finally understood that he accepts you with me that I knew for certain that this man truly loves me. Sometimes I wonder how is it that I am twice-blessed but I think I know better than to question what God gives to me!

So on your 38th birthday, I wanted to put in writing my memories and thoughts of you. Thank you so much for all that you are and have given me, though we walked this earth side by side in the past, I can feel you watching over me for the rest of my life.

Amor Vincit Omnia… love conquers all indeed.

I love and miss you.

Until we meet again, take care!

I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart.

This is our very first Valentine's together as Mr & Mrs. We made the decision that we weren't going to do the flower-chocolates-dinner thing on the day itself but instead, go to a nice dinner on Saturday or movie on Friday night. I'm knocking on 30and I STILL absolutely love 'date' nights with my husband :)

When I got into work on the morning of Valentine's Day [late as I went to get Krispy Kreme doughnuts for my client and boy oh boy, the line was HUGE!!!], I saw this note from my dearest...

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in
my heart) Ii am never without it (anywhere
I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

E.E. Cummings
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Needless to say, I sat here with the goofiest smile on my face and tears in my eyes, and of course, everyone wanted to see what it was that got me into that state. Oooohs and aaahhhs ensued of course :) This is one of the many reasons why I thee Honey!

We exchanged our cards in the evening when I got home and then spent a relaxing evening just fixing and sharing a quiet dinner, laying on the couch watching tv and then retired to bed early. It was work day as usual the next day as usual.

So here's to Valentine's 2008, may we share many, many, many more together!